from "firsts" to "lasts"

I put a very tired baby to bed tonight. She skipped her nap, in rebellion I think. You see, today was the first day that she had to keep her soother (soo-soo) in her bed. Her daddy and I have decided that she is at the age to be weaned from sucking on a soo-soo whenever she wants - so now it's just for naps and bedtime. She is not very happy about that. She made sure that I was aware of her irritation at naptime by refusing to face me while I rocked her in my lap. She wouldn't even let me sing her a lullaby. She was more forgiving this evening, though, due to her basic exhaustion. I was allowed to sing to her and to tickle her fingers while she drifted off to slumber. She very rarely falls asleep in my arms, so I cherish those moments by rocking her longer and staring at her closed eyes. A sleeping child is so peaceful.

It goes against my every instinct not to give in to her wants and whims. She would be intolerably spoiled if I did not exercise a great deal of discipline when she wants her way. I mean, how hard is it to resist a little girl who comes to you with a charming grin and says, "how 'bout....... snack?" I'm telling you, it's extremely difficult!! So when it comes to things like her soother, I have to remind myself that the day HAS to come eventually for her to not use it anymore, and it's better not to put it off for too long for the sake of her oral development. But I would love to just let her have it to her heart's content.

It kind of reminds me of a children's book I read recently that was all about a child's "lasts". Much has been written about a baby's "firsts", but very little attention is given to their "lasts". For example, I remember the first time I put Emma in her baby swing, but I certainly don't remember the last time. I remember the first time she wore her baby Converse shoes, but I don't recall the last time. Soon, she will wear her very last diaper - and I'm thinking we might have a party for that one, but am I even going to realize it when I carry her up the stairs for the very last time? It breaks my heart to think of it, but the day will come that I rock her in my lap at bedtime for the last time.

I paid close attention to some of her "lasts", though. She was 12 months old the very last time she slept in a playpen beside my bed - I cried myself to sleep that night. And I cried again the last time she nursed when she was 16 months old. She will have a last day of kindergarten someday - hopefully I'll get through that day without crying, but I doubt it. For now, I will attempt to help her prepare for the first "last" that she will most likely remember - the last time she gets her soo-soo. And I will be strong for her sake, in the face of her tears, and pray for God's help in facing a life filled with "lasts".